Your self-worth is important.
How valuable you feel inside determines everything about you:
- The choices you make or don’t make
- The relationships you have and the quality of them
- How you choose to present yourself to others as well as how you interact with them
If you find you are hustling for your self-worth, chances are you are allowing your worth to be determined by external sources of influence or what society deems as valuable, important, or desirable. On the surface, external sources are enticing, but they often come at a cost or do not provide us with sustainable, meaningful self-worth.
If you want to define and determine your self-worth, you are invited to grab hold of an empowering five-step process and start harnessing its presence within you!
Step One: Circle of Worth
In Step One, define your Circle of Worth. Take out a piece of paper or get your computer. Draw a large circle. Entitle it, Circle of Worth. Then begin filling it in with people, places, and things which are important to you. Think through this very carefully. Take your time.
Some examples include the following:
- Family members
- Other relationships
- Work or career paths
- Hobbies or interests
- Personal qualities or characteristics (loyalty, honesty, etc.)
- Spirituality; faith; traditions; rituals; etc.
- Social media
- Favorite places
- Health, self-care, and wellness
When you are done, look over your Circle of Worth. Read this carefully:
The people, places, and things which you have named and identified as important to you are either providing your self-worth with positive nourishment, or they are depleting it, or perhaps a little of both.
Step Two: Circle of Investment
In Step Two, make a Circle of Investment. Take out a piece of paper or get your computer and draw another large circle. In the Circle of Investment, for each of the people, places, and things you defined in your Circle of Worth, rearrange them according to their degree of importance to you by placing them into percentages within your Circle of Investment.
This is important. You will discover how important someone or something is to you by your degree of investment into it. Your investment might be your time, energy, feelings or emotions, financial commitment, or other resources.
- If you are spending a lot of your time, energy, and finances into your friendships, you might give them 25% of the circle.
- If you are investing a great deal of time and emotion into your social media, it may take up another 25%.
- If you are spending hours shopping online, it may take up 15%.
- If you are spending very little time on health and wellness, it may take up 5%.
As you are completing your Circle of Investment, you might find this a little unsettling or surprising. You might discover that some people, places, or things are not as important as you thought. You might find that others are more important. Conducting a self-inventory is never easy, but being honest with yourself will move you closer to harnessing your self-worth.
Step Three: Your Return On Investment
Look over your Circle of Investment and reflect upon how much of yourself and your resources you are investing into the different areas.
You may like this article as well:
Answer two questions:
- For each person, place, or thing I am investing in, what is my Return On Investment (ROI)?
- What am I becoming aware of or how do I feel about this?
Take out a piece of paper or your computer and begin your second inventory. As you answer the two questions, be brutally honest. Begin writing down your ROI for each area. You may find that some of your ROI’s are positive. Others may be negative. Either way, this is a time to step into your power and take charge of your self-worth.
- I am investing 60% of my time, energy, and focus into my work or career path. ROI: I am feeling fulfilled. I am achieving my goals. I am making a good living and there is opportunity for growth.
- I am investing 10% of my time into my partner. ROI: I’m not feeling great about that. I didn’t realize it. No wonder we are always arguing over my time at work.
- I am investing 15% of my time into my sports, games, and interests. ROI: I didn’t realize this was taking up this much of me. I need to exercise and I feel much better when I do. I won’t cut back on that, but I am going to reduce the time I spend on gaming. I could use that time for my partner and our relationship.
You might be feeling a little uncomfortable right now. That’s good! Nothing changes when we are comfortable. By discovering what is important to you, how you are currently investing into what is important, and what your return on your investment is or is not, you are now in a position to make some changes!
Step Five: Circle of Shifts
In step five, with an awareness and clarity around what makes up your self-worth, continue harnessing its presence within you. Get out a piece of paper or your computer.
Complete the following two parts:
- First, review your Circle of Investment and your ROI’s.
- Now answer each of these questions thoroughly and thoughtfully:
- What have I learned?
- What is working for me?
- What is not working for me?
- What am I going to change? How?
- What will I commit to? Be specific.
Next, make one final large circle. Entitle it, Circle of Shifts. This is exciting! You are taking charge of your self-worth! Begin filling in your Circle of Shifts with the changes you have committed to. This circle will reflect your new percentages of worth and investment. Take your time.
- Remind yourself that your Circle of Shifts is a dynamic, fluid document.
- You might eliminate some areas all together.
- This is important. Consistently monitor your Return On Investment for each area. Frequently assess how each one is contributing positively to your self-worth or not, and increase and decrease percentages to reflect your needs.
- Give yourself permission to make mistakes, to learn from them, and to keep going and growing.
In closing, it is never too late to change. This is your time.
Step into your power as you define and determine your self-worth.
Publisher’s Note: Holli Kenley is an American Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the author of “ Daughters Betrayed By Their Mothers: Moving from Brokenness to Wholeness” and “Power Down & Parent Up!: Cyber Bullying, Screen Dependence & Raising Tech-Healthy Children